Linda's Eulogy

Linda’s Eulogy

While we will never forget Marguey’s irresistible smile and the glimmer in her eyes as well as her immense curiosity and openness to the world and generosity to causes and people, but above all it is her example of  how to live and how to die that is indelibly impressed upon our hearts and minds. Her life was more than just a model of how to live each day to the fullest with its challenges, joys, and disappointments as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.  I could go about her achievements and strong ties to family and friends. but we know these. In thinking of about her life what struck me profoundly was her ‘undeclared’ philosophy of living and dying that she shared with us through her everyday life, that is our gift, or inheritance, from her. 

Marguey was a practical person, grounded in reality. And she recognized that reality was constantly changing and as she said to me many times, we need to keep adapting to continually changing circumstances. For instance, she repeated this to me when I had tears in my eyes when she and David were leaving for Singapore simply because I was going to miss them terribly (of course I did follow her advice and eventually we got together when they came to Burma. I got Marguey to come teach to teach a few classes (@ Yangon University of Economics). I feel that what mattered to Marguey was the reality of the situation, physical or emotional: she assessed it, made decisions based on ‘facts’ of how things were not on how she would want them to be and she went forward. Not always easy to do even for Marguey, but necessary, she would say. This ability to deal with continuous change is the hallmark of life in reality and Marguey embodied this view in how she lived.  Through her example Marguey has given us this important lesson for living life fully even if it is difficult and not as we would like it to be.

She changed countries for study, work and curiosity frequently but never pining for what was left behind. She looked forward. And she also dealt with unpleasant experiences of life in the same way, never complaining or asking, “why me?”.

Never was this ‘philosophy of life’ more exemplified than in this last year when she was diagnosed with a fatal tumor. She never said, “I am still too young to die”. She did not think she had the right to be exempt from a fatal illness.  During her first meetings with the oncologist, she told me she asked, “what is the end of life going to be like?” The doctor, taken aback, did not really answer to her satisfaction.  She expected an answer. She accepted her illness with enormous dignity and serenity while doing everything in her power to postpone the worst outcome. During this last year of her life, she did live life to the fullest, enjoying company of family and friends. Always up for a gelato—” sure, amarena –please”. She was overjoyed at Edward’s wedding and seeing Simon’s Bollywood choreography. Of course, she was excited and happy to meet her first grandchild Rami.  Through it all she did not want her illness to disrupt Simon or Edward’s life which she believed must go on normally, she would say to me.  She wanted them both, and David, as well as her friends, to adapt to reality just as she was doing. Even though we did not like it. This was her wish for her family and friends, grounded in her deep love—agape-- and wish for their serenity. Her physical example of daily living may be gone, but if we listen to our heart, she is with us and will continue to guide us through her example.